The End: Games Mind Play

Both my parents are no more.

My father died in 2000.  On his 66th birthday, he went on a pilgrimage and died suddenly, two days later, due to heart attack.  It was a great shock to all of us.  As I was very close to him, it took me a long time to overcome his loss.  For years, I used to wake up in the middle of the night, shaking and crying, while dreaming about him.  

I performed the last rites, being the youngest son.  During the 16 days mourning period, I read The Bhagavat Gita by O.P. Ghai.  In Chapter XIV titled Discrimination of the Three Gunas, namely, Sattva, Rajas and Tamas, it said, "When Sattva is predominant, there is happiness and goodness among the people."  It further said, "Shri Krishna explained that when, at the time of one's death, Sattva prevails one goes to heaven where all men of noble deeds go;" My mother and other relatives, who were with my father, mentioned that he was joking and laughing wholeheartedly the night before and had the heart attack during his morning prayers and died soon after.  I consoled myself believing that my father must have gone to heaven as Sattva was predominant at the time of his death.

My mother died in 2018.  She became unconscious and remained so for 3 days till her last breath.  I was by her side all those 3 days and ensured that all our close relatives were present when she passed on.  It was the day of Karthigai Deepam.  Every year, she used to watch the live telecast of lighting of Deepam in Tiruvannamalai, our native.  About 5 minutes before the Deepam was scheduled to be lit, I switched on the TV in her room.  She appeared to be watching the live telecast and died immediately after the Deepam was lit.  In spite of the sorrow of losing my mother, I consoled myself believing that she attained Mukti.

You may be wondering why I have chosen to discuss such a morbid subject.

Well, I am just responding to what came to me as a trigger.

A few days ago, in my Instagram feed, I noticed a song, by lyricist Kannadasan, from an old Tamizh movie, Navarathri 

பிறப்புக்கும் முன்னால் இருந்தது
என்ன உனக்கும் தெரியாது

இறந்த பின்னாலே நடப்பது
என்ன எனக்கும் புரியாது
இருப்பது சில நாள் அனுபவிப்போமே
எதுதான் குறைந்து விடும்

This can be loosely translated as:

What was there before birth, you don't know.
What happens after death, I don't know.
Let's enjoy the few days that we have
What is there to lose

The same lyricist, in another song from the Tamizh movie, Palum Pazhamum, wrote:

வந்தது தெரியும்

போவது எங்கே வாசல்

நமக்கே தெரியாது

This can be loosely translated as:

We know that we came (into this world)

But we don't know where we go (after we die)

Isn't this the truth?

But, in practice, what do we do?

We believe, like I did, that they go to either heaven or hell, based on the compelling legends that were fed to us right from our early childhood.  These legends vary depending on the religion, culture, people that influenced us during our impressionable age.

If the people, who dole out these compelling legends, actually know what happens after we die, shouldn't they all then be saying the same thing?

The very fact that there are multiple legends floating around means that no one knows.  

Every one of them are using these compelling legends to influence us and make us adhere to the way of life that they propagate.

Read: Destination - Truth it is

Once we understand this, shouldn't we just drop all these compelling legends and accept the truth that we'll never know what happens after we die and lead a holistic life while we live?

Recently, a friend, who lost her mother-in-law, told me that the people who perform post-death rituals, have asked them to extend the 16th day ritual by another 3-4 months due to the death happening on a particular day and time.  She also told me that they have to perform various rituals for one full year for the spirit to be pacified and leave this world.

This reminded me of my reading of Garuda Puranam, as suggested by another friend, during the mourning period after the demise of my mother.  It also said that the spirit takes about 12 months to reach the Yama log, the abode of Lord Yama, the demigod of death, provided we perform various rituals during that period to pacify the spirit.

How do these people know this?  Have they seen the spirit lingering around?  How do these rituals aid the spirit to leave this world and reach the Yama log?  What will happen if we don't perform those rituals?  Will the spirit remain in this world?

The answer is, again, we don't know.

What we do know is that many of us have this fear of the unknown and death is the greatest unknown that we are confronted with. 

When our loved ones die, they do not exist in physical form, but they do exist in our minds as memories.  We keep remembering them, mourning their loss and fearing what may have happened to them.

To put our mind to rest, these rituals are performed to assure us that our loved ones are either in a safe place or on their way to a safe place.

These rituals are just placebos.

Over a period of time, the mind starts dwelling on other things and the intensity of losing the loved ones fades away.

So, in essence, these rituals are pacifying mechanisms, more to do with us than to do with the departed person.

Once we understand this, shouldn't we just observe the emotional trips that the mind takes us through, without welcoming or resisting, and allow it to lose its steam?

Yesterday, I attended the first death anniversary of my maternal aunt.

During the rituals, since their son was abroad, my uncle was asked to invoke his wife, his mother and his grandmother and offer food to pacify their hunger and seek their blessings.

Another cousin, who was standing beside me, wondered why my uncle wasn't asked to invoke his wife, her mother and her grandmother.

As is the practice, if the departed person was our father, then we are asked to invoke our father, our paternal grandfather and our paternal great-grandfather.

Why is that?

The answer is simple.  

They are the ancestors that we may have heard or lived with during our lifetime.  They may still be present in our mind as memories.  We are not asked to invoke our paternal great-great-grandfather as we don't have any memory of them.

If the departed person was our mother, then we are asked to invoke our mother, our paternal grandmother and our paternal great-grandmother.

Why is that?  

Why are we asked to invoke our paternal grandmother and paternal great-grandmother instead of our maternal grandmother and maternal great-grandmother?

The answer, again, is simple.  

We live in a patriarchal society where the children grow up in their father's home and spend most of their time around father's family.  So, our memories are predominantly of our father's ancestors.

These rituals are performed to pacify our mind and not really to pacify our ancestors.

The moment we truly understand the games that the mind plays, we are liberated.