The Nest

Those of you who have visited our home may have noticed the nameplate at the entrance - The Nest.

NEST is the acronym for Nurture, Enable, Sensitize and Transform.

I discovered this framework many years ago loosely based on my understanding of how birds raise their offsprings.  I don't claim to be an expert on birds and their living patterns.  I am using the bird's nest more as an analogy.

While I have chosen to explain this framework in the context of a family unit, the same framework can be applied to any other type of organization - school, social, commercial, government and so on.

Nurture

Nurture is to provide a safe, secure and caring environment for the child to grow into an adult.

To begin with, when do birds build their nest?  

When they decide to lay eggs and raise their offsprings.  

Why? 

To ensure that their eggs and offsprings have a safe place to develop into fully grown birds.

More often, birds build their nest high on a tree to protect their eggs and offsprings from predators who can't climb trees.  Further, to protect them from the predators who can fly or climb trees, they try to keep their nest hidden from plain sight.

This reminds of a very short discussion that I had with the facilitator of a leadership workshop.  He spoke about the differences between principles and practices.  He said that principles transcend time and space continuum and are self-evident; practices are contextual and need to be validated every time.  One of the participants asked him if marriage is a principle or a practice.  He said that it is a principle.  Immediately, I pointed out to him that marriage can't be a principle as it doesn't satisfy any of the 3 attributes of a principle.  He, in spite of being exposed to one of the best contents on this subject, chose not to question this traditional practice.  He cut me short and moved on to the next point.

Let me share my perspective on marriage here:

Marriage is definitely not a principle; it is a practice put in place by the society to regulate the behavior of people.

If all one is looking for is physical intimacy, then one may choose to engage in casual flings with willing adults.

If one is looking for both physical and emotional intimacy, then one may choose to enter into a live-in relationship with a willing adult.

Marriage may be desirable only when two willing adults choose to raise a family - biological or adopted or both.  It provides a safe, secure and caring environment for the children till they can take care of themselves.  Even if the marriage breaks down, there are safeguards, by law, to continue to provide support for the children.    

Going back to our analogy, once the nest is ready, birds lay their eggs and incubate them till the eggs are hatched.  Further, they ensure that the hatchlings do not fall off the nest.  Then they go in search of food, bring them back and feed the hatchlings.

During the entire growing up stage, the birds stand guard and resist predators whenever they attempt to raid the nest.

Similarly, as parents, we are required to provide a safe place for the child to grow.  We are required to provide age-appropriate food.  We are required to protect them from physical harm.

Most parents do this.

What most parents fail to do is to protect their children from mental, emotional and spiritual harm that they are subjected to.  In many cases, the parents themselves cause the harm.  In other cases, close relatives, family friends, neighbors and teachers do.

In our enthusiasm to make the children follow our family values, our beliefs and traditions, our culture, our religion, we make our children adhere to these practices.  Our love is conditional: we offer love when they adhere; we withdraw when they resist.  We condition their minds much before they develop the courage to question some of these practices.

In the process, we suppress their questioning nature.  As adults, they struggle to overcome years of conditioning and many of them just give up and fall into the rut.

So, as parents, it is our responsibility to protect them, as much as possible, from physical, mental, emotional and spiritual harm and provide them the time and space to discover the truth on their own.

Enable

Enable is to provide a wide range of opportunities to the child to learn and develop into whatever they choose to become.

As the offsprings grow, the birds enable them to learn to fly and look for food to sustain themselves.  This enabling is often caught than taught.  The offsprings tag along with their parents and, under their protective guidance, learn to fly and find food.

Similarly, as parents, we are required to enable our children to acquire knowledge and skills necessary to sustain themselves.

Knowledge is learning about those aspects of life that are already known.  People have studied various aspects of life over centuries and have presented them to us.  Knowledge is useful to the extent that we are exposed to the prevailing understanding on different aspects of life.

The challenge is to differentiate the facts from perspectives, opinions, distortions, beliefs and practices.  

I encourage everyone to internalize the essence of the Thirukkural 423:

எப்பொருள் யார்யார்வாய்க் கேட்பினும் அப்பொருள்

மெய்ப்பொருள் காண்ப தறிவு.

This can be loosely translated as:

Every matter, irrespective of who said it, discovering the truth of that matter, is wisdom.

Skill is the ability to perform their roles and responsibilities in an efficient manner.  Skills can be basic skills to take care of themselves in normal situations, life skills to take care of themselves in extraordinary situations, livelihood skills to earn their living, artistic skills to pursue their passion and so on.  Skills are developed through repeated practice with the support and guidance of right set of coaches.

The challenge is to remain alert after becoming skillful.  Once we master a skill, we tend to practice it so confidently that we allow our mind to wander all over the place.  This may hamper our ability to observe the dynamic changes within and around us and may inhibit our ability to respond.

Sensitize

Sensitize is to encourage the child to be aware of the dynamic changes within and around them.

Birds encourage their offsprings to be aware of the potential threats that they may encounter in their day to day lives and be ready to face them, to observe the climatic changes around them and migrate, if necessary.

It is relatively easier for the birds to be sensitive.  We, the human beings, are so conditioned by our thoughts, beliefs and practices that we find it difficult to be sensitive.

Intelligence is our ability to be aware of the dynamic changes within and around us and respond, as and when required, in an effective manner.

Read: Sensitivity - just listen 

Transform

Transform is to unleash the potential in the child and encourage the child to become whatever they choose to.

Birds, when they are aware that their offsprings are ready to take care of themselves, gently nudge them out of the nest so that the offsprings can fly off and take care of themselves.

The purpose of the nest has been accomplished and the nest is discarded.

We, the human beings, allow ourselves to be emotionally and, many a time, financially dependent on our children that we hold on to them.  

We need to develop the emotional maturity and the financial strength to let go of them when they are ready to take care of themselves.

We need to encourage the child to unleash the potential within them.

Read: Personal Growth - to grow within

We need to encourage the child to choose the right profession for them.

Read: Professional Growth - to create an impact

A personal note:

I wrote my personal mission statement many years ago and I have always encouraged people and organizations that I was associated with to write their mission statements.

A few years ago, I reduced my personal mission statement to just two words: Radiate love. 

Later, I realized that even two words are not necessary.  Just one word: Love.

Radiate love is action.  Love is state of being.

NEST is built on the foundation of love.