அன்னை தந்தையே அன்பின் எல்லை - Mother and Father are the frontiers of love

Those of you who are wondering what the title signifies, do listen to this song:

அன்னை தந்தையே அன்பின் எல்லை 

This year, I shared a few things about my parents on their birth anniversary with my engineering friends and their families.

I choose to share the same with all of you:

September 11, 2024:

Today is my father's 90th birth anniversary.

On September 9, 2000, my parents along with my aunt's family went on a pilgrimage to the Murugan temple in Palani.  They had plans to attend a wedding in Salem and visit the Murugan Temple in Marudamalai, Coimbatore.

The previous night, my father gave me a box of Jangiri and another box of Laddu to be handed over to my brother who had already gone to sleep.  We lived in 3 different flats within the same premises.  They were planning to leave at 4 am the next day.  I was alone in my flat as Aruna and children were visiting her mother.  I told my father to wake me up so that I can see them off.

So, on his 66th birthday, at around 4 am, I bid them goodbye and was climbing up the stairs to return to my flat.  I could hear the door of my brother's flat being opened.  I waited to see who had woken up so early.  At that time, my brother was on a treatment and didn't wake up till very late in the day.  I was surprised to see him emerge out of his flat.  He managed to wake up early to see them off, but they had already left by then.

I felt a bit uneasy about this at that time itself.

It so happened that that was the last time that I saw my father alive.

Two days later, we received a call from my uncle saying that my father died of a heart attack in Salem.

We were totally shocked.

As a few of you may know, my father was my role model.  I didn't ever take up smoking or drinking, in spite of peer pressure, as I wanted to be like him.  I stopped eating non-vegetarian after his death as he did the same when his father died.

It took me many years to recover from the shock of losing him so suddenly.

This made me realize that we don't know when we are going to see our loved ones again and it made me conscious to resolve all contentious issues and have only love in my heart every time, I bid goodbye.

October 21, 2024:

Today is my mother's 85th birth anniversary.

My relationship with my mother was quite a mixed bag.

As a kid, I never used to stay away from my parents.  Even when my siblings chose to stay at my grandma's place, I always returned home with my parents.

But, as a kid, I was quite disturbed when my parents quarreled.  I used to always blame my mother for initiating those arguments.

She used to work really hard.  She woke up at 5 am, cooked breakfast, usually idli & coconut chutney, cooked lunch, always a proper 3 course meal consisting of sambar, rasam and curd along with two vegetables as side dishes, left for work at 9 am, travelled by crowded buses from Anna Nagar to her office near Shanthi theatre, Anna Salai, returned home around 6:30 pm, cooked dinner, usually chapati & side dish, and went to sleep at around 10 pm.

I felt that her stress was the reason for her outbursts and persuaded her to take voluntary retirement after my sister's wedding.  She reluctantly took voluntary retirement and whenever an increment was announced for central government employees, she used to blame me, in a lighter vein, for losing out.

She always spoke her mind with everyone without thinking twice about the consequences. It used to lead to awkward and sometimes embarrassing moments, and I used to correct her.  That didn't go well with her.  She used to ask in annoyance, "Are you so matured to correct me?"

So, we always had a troubled relationship.

At one stage, I decided to shift out of our family home to provide a more conducive environment for our children while they were growing up.

I used to visit her on Sundays, but our relationship was still quite shaky.

After a few years, while I reviewed those things that I will regret in my life, my relationship with my mother came up as the first thing.  I didn't know how much more time we both had left.

So, I chose to heal my relationship with my mother.

From then on, I changed my approach during my Sunday visits. I used to sit with her, listen to all her complaints and not say a word against anything.  Slowly, she started responding to my changed behavior and her complaints became lesser and lesser.

After a few weeks, we both enjoyed those visits and looked forward to them.  She used to make Filter Coffee for me and talk about her childhood days.  Her father was her idol, and she used to talk fondly about him.  I learnt to listen without judging her.

After a few years, when she became seriously ill, I requested her to come and stay with us.  She willingly agreed and those were the most beautiful 5-6 months.  She recovered and became cheerful. She ate normally, even went down with Aruna for walks.  Whenever my brother asked her to return to her place, she told him that she'll stay with me for a little longer.

Aruna played a major role in taking care of my mother during her stay with us. When my mother slowly started losing her consciousness, the only name that she remembered was Aruna.  I am ever grateful to Aruna for her loving care.

When my mother became totally unconscious during her last 3 days, I stayed by her side and played all her favorite songs.  I requested all our close relatives to visit her.  She died on the Karthigai Deepam day, November 23, 2018, immediately after, apparently, watching the live telecast of the jothi being lit in Thiruvannamalai.  Thiruvannamalai is our native and she used to watch the live telecast every year.  All her loved ones were with her when she passed on.

Now, why did I choose to share this with all of you?

A few of you may have certain important relationships in your life that requires healing.

I request you to review them and initiate the process of healing.

We don't know how much time is left.